The miscarriage.

We found out Jan 31st our little one died in utero weeks prior by blood test. Confirmed the next day by ultrasound. He Passed the end of the first week or beginning of the second week in January. at 7-8weeks gestation I should have been 10-13. It is 2:20 am Feb 8th now.

I talked to him and my body the night before the ultrasound that it was ok to go, and things picked up cramping and spotting.



But seeing the ultrasound, I so wanted to protect him from his fate. they could have been wrong they could have just missed the heartbeat, I was full on begging for it to not be true in my mind, even though I knew, I had trouble letting go. I knew in my heart when I could let go my body would relax enough to pass the baby naturally. I was tied in knots by saturday mostly in my hips and pelvic bone, exactly where I needed to relax.

I gave up trusting my body and even stopped taking the herbs to stimulate the uterus for a few days, I got lost in my mind. Talking with some wonderful but equally unfortunate mama's who have lost babies and at least one who was waiting it out with me. One in particular helped me so much Thank you S! As well as how wonderful as everyone has been save a few but not till the end of my journey.

So I booked a Acupuncture appointment and it wasn't until Tues. yesterday now. Sunday I went for the most painful ever shiatsu massage, my pelvic bone was all in knots. that night i started up the herbs again. Monday I got an intake for Chiro. I cried during the Xrays seeing babies and big baby bellies were fine but X-rays I couldn't do, i still had the urge to protect the lifeless baby in me.


I was lucky there were lots of cancelations at the ND.But my regular one went on mat leave a week and a half prior!  she gave me herbs to calm me and tone my uterus and some magnesium. I added extra. to get my bowels moving as i get so backed up. I noticed that night i got more pressure. and i was so much more calm. I talked to the baby and my body to let go, I sang "the power of Goodbye"


I was supposed to return to chiro for my first treatment tuesday but a week from confirming what I already knew and refused to believe. When I finally was able to say goodbye after much soul searching and using DBT skills.

I rushed to my daughters developmental assessment. As i walked in the building cramps started around 1:15, I was in the room laboring while they did my DD's assessment, I was still in the moment off and on with the kids but also focusing on letting go. the back pressure points were the best pain relief, it actually made the pain disappear. I walked i paced I squatted, it was labor, I thought it would get worse and last longer. when it got intense I texted my husband and in the next wave I gave birth to a tiny sac the size of a kumquat with a tiny little perfect baby the size of an almond. In the room of my daughters assessment, and no one knew. I told one of the ladies before hand that I was miscarrying and were waiting it out. they were surprised. as was I. The assessment was an hour.

We hung around the office for hubs to get us in case there was too much bleeding and needed to go to the er.

Then at the end of the session when I gave birth to my little one I excused myself to the bathroom to make sure everything was ok and it all passed and if the bleeding was ok. It was minimal. and now is still only spotting.

That entire week I waited to say goodbye there wasn't much at all to the point I thought it would be another week or more. I was ready my body was ready and the baby was too. It was time. He was set free.



I was so relieved the weight of the world lifted in that moment with a squish. And I cried.

I waited for hubs, he came got me, dropped me off for dinner while he shopped for things we needed so I didn't have to walk much to take it easy.

Went home nursed my toddler, and went to my first Accuncture apt.

Rest in Peace Tyler Angel G. 2:14pm Feb7th.