I havnt written for a while.

things are looking up. I Started incorporating some things from the Gaps diet. I stopped fainting I have less cravings, I have the energy I had just before I got sick from going grain free and even more sick while pregnant and even weaker when I lost the baby. I was a ghost at 1/4 speed. But i still muddled through as best I could. I felt ok, but I am sure I numbed myself. I often do along with distracting myself with each new challenge it takes over in intensity and leaves nothing to overcome old obstacles I Mindfully have to find my way back to heal, daily. it has been 12 weeks and yet it feels like I blinked. I am extra emotional as my period came back, just one more thing to make it real. And more hormones welled up inside pushing all the feelings to the surface. Mother nature has a plan, of renewal. once a month when we are forced to feel and release the tensions we hold in. You would not know it from the outside, no one ever does as I have learned to hide it, I am incredibly anxious. It's not a state of mind but of being my body is sensitive and as the Dr puts it has no breaks its stuck on go. over the years I have learned to mimic calmness. But I am starting to actually feel it, by embracing myself and the impact I have around me. Good and Bad. And even sorting through my perceptions and trying to find the medium ground. The gaps diet is helping so much, its keeping me from fainting, it gave me my color back, it slowed down my heart rate so I am not a ball of nerves. But today as I find reason to use the diva cup I bought and was delivered to me a week after I found out I was pregnant, That fact has me in tears. It makes me sad. I miss my baby Tyler. Today I cry for you like I haven't in maybe months now. time and life moved on But you are still loved and not forgotten.